Tuesday, August 16

The slipper quandry

"Bring some slippers," the hospital told me, ahead of my nose operation this coming Friday.

I don't think I've had slippers since I was a kid. And even though I'm getting old, I still think I'm far too young to be doing the slipper thing. But what else am I going to wear on Friday as I slip into that humiliating hospital gown?

So I trudged off to the shops, popping my head into various shoe shops staffed by model-like girls. How can I go in there and buy some slippers? What are they going to think? If for a moment they fancy me, that's going to completely disappear when they're looking for a size 10 slipper. I mean, slippers are hardly cool, are they? And if they think I'm a twat as soon as I walk into their shop, they're going to think even less of me when I ask to try on a dark brown fuzzy open back house slipper with soft non-skid bottoms.

I could do without these kind of problems.

© Disappointed of West Egg 2005. Do not reproduce without permission.

Monday, August 15

Make the pain go away

I hate pretentious people. So why are there so many pretentious people around? And why do I seem to know so many of them? They make my head hurt, they really do.

So if you're a pretentious person and you're reading this, tell me why ... why are you pretentious? Are you aware that you're pretentious? How did it happen? Did you just fall in with a wanky crowd? And what's wrong with net curtains?

I want answers. Someone make the pain go away.

© Disappointed of West Egg 2005. Do not reproduce without permission.

Message to the Music Industry

I will stop downloading music if you can promise me I will never again have to endure shit like Live 8 and any other earnest concerts featuring Elton, Coldplay, Saint Bob and Boner.

And if we can lose the stupid wristbands, I really will endeavour to stick to my side of the bargain.

Deal?

© Disappointed of West Egg 2005. Do not reproduce without permission.

Friday, August 12

Coming Soon...

DISAPPOINTED OF WEST EGG - the radio show...